We’ve all heard the scenario of the runner and chaser within the Twin Flame union. Truthfully I believe there is enough runner and chaser in each to go around, but at the end of the day, the pattern seems to be that one person hits their intensity limit, and they run.
After the initial bliss dissipates, the arguments and fights cause a lot of confusion between Twin Flames as often they are not spiritually enlightened and don’t consciously know what is happening. When twin flames meet, the intensity is great, you feel this oneness, like you’ve looked for this person your entire life and finally you are going to get your fairy tale ending… then the arguments take hold and pain starts to enter in and sooner or later one runs, the other chases. In my case, I’ve been both runner and chaser, and he was technically neither util the end, or perhaps it’s more to the truth to say he was of a more passive aggressive runner.
More often than not, the man is the runner, the woman then the chaser. There actually is reason for this, it has to do with the masculine and feminine make-up, but that is an article for another day. 😉 So when my twin flame moved 900 miles away and fell in love with another woman, abruptly reversing his position on all his feelings for me, it was easy to say, “Oh, he’s the runner.” And I, true to form, took chase.
Truly, this is the most damaging part of the relationship and if you can wrap your head around surrender and letting things be, I believe you will save both partners a ton of wounding.
In hindsight,on my journey, his move was for a job that was in motion when we met. As for the other woman, when he met her, he wasn’t running from me. We had both agreed to keep seeing other people. After all, it was logical, despite the pull we felt to one another, we’d barely met, he was JUST out of a 28 year marriage and we were going to have to contend with a long distance relationship. It wouldn’t make any sense to ask for, or give, a commitment of monogamy under those circumstances. The relationship he fell into was a case of right person at the right time, it was an easy slide… how I wish the Twin Flame was that, but it isn’t. As Twin Flames, we face more because there is more at stake then simply a cozy weekend at the beach, 2.5 kids and a minivan and those of us in this, all know it. It’s what scares us, it’s even what causes us to run.
I think the runner/chaser cycle is without question the most painful part of the Twin Flame relationship. If you ask the runner, they won’t have any specific reason for running. They just don’t know what’s happening. They feel like they are losing control and the intensity is terrifying. Sometimes the runner will end the relationship abruptly and entirely, thinking that will fix the emotions they are wrestling with.
The other half of this union gets deeply hurt and shocked by the unexpected behavior of the Runner, and tries to ‘get him back’
That was definitely me for the better part a year. All I wanted was my world back in order and for the pain to stop. I can’t tell you how many nights I spent in tears, begging him to pick me again. I’ve never begged a man in my life for anything. My ego was in shreds, my heart being lacerated on a regular basis. In the end, it was me who finally left as I had become so debilitated by the pain of his love for the other woman I thought I was losing my mind and I felt him slipping further and further away and I knew if he left me, I’d never survive it, so I ran.
During the separation I had to take a very real, honest look at myself and this relationship. Was it worth fighting for, worth all the pain? I did an intense course of what I’d already been doing for the better part of the year, trying to find an out of something there is no out for. This relationship is not easy. I wanted love and romance, a ton of sex and trips to Thailand out of my next relationship, not some calling to save the world… Yes, I have moments of extreme shallowness.
However, as the separation went on, I became weak, I became unable to function. As my twin reminded me when I came home again, it was quite like Arthur in Excalibur when he tried to get rid of the sword, the land withered, the people suffered and he grew weak. My separation from my twin was like that.
My relationships all became strained and my people suffered from my abdication. My home… well there was NO cleaning, laundry, plant watering being done and my work became my focus and nothing else was allowed in, not even eating, drinking or sleeping much of the time and as a result, my health took a hit and I had to rebuild my strength.
I finally had to face the absolute reality that he is my Twin Flame and there is no running from that. It was then I realized the horrible truth, it was I in fact who’d been the runner all the while.
I realized that while I vehemently did not want him with this other woman, I didn’t really want him back exactly either. I really just didn’t want him so far disconnected from me. I didn’t want another woman in my place. That being said, I knew at my core I wasn’t ready for what this relationship would become. In accepting that I was forced to deal with that and release my maniacal control of the time line or any particular outcome.
I believed he and I were destined and had to come to a place of acceptance of his walking his path and gaining the experiences he needed as I did the same.
In the end, it was he who ended the relationship by literally dropping out of my life like a puff of smoke. Still, I trust what we were, what we are, and if in this lifetime the relationship comes around to me again, I will not run. I have become a different person in the healing phase of this relationship, and the woman I am now, is fearless. I face what needs to be faced with faith in my god. That is what I walked away from all of this with. Faith as strong as faith can be. I’ve also come to realize there is a greater relationship with greater destiny awaiting me and while this is a story still playing out, that urge to run had me in its clutches from the very beginning yet again.
One of the biggest lessons from all this is to learn to surrender to the moment. Whatever is between you and your twin flame in this moment, shouldn’t come around again. We should be learning and growing, not repeating lessons endlessly. I say with much respect, if you have been doing this dance for a very long time, then you are just as stuck in the quagmire of the twin flame drama as he/she is and you absolutely have control over your part in that.
If you are drowning in this experience ask yourself if you are being like a five year old child who craves a Ferrari NOW. You may grow up to be a world class driver and have a collection of the finest automobiles ever crafted by mankind, but at five, you cannot handle one, nor should you be given one. Your job now is to become. We want the romance, we want the connection, we want the otherworldly bliss, but if it came to you today, would you truly be able to handle it?
I’ve become a woman who can handle it. I’ve become a woman of great faith and strength and when I look back at who I was then, I see so clearly how ill-fitted and unready I was for any kind of permanence with that man, or any. As I look forward to this new relationship, the same type of supernatural experiences and an even deeper pull, I am becoming ready, taking all the lessons of my twin flame with me so that this time, there is resolution and perhaps even great love.
The fact is, when you enter into a relationship unready to handle the weight of it, the relationship inevitably becomes weak and sick. Like seeks like, whether it’s a twin flame, or any extraordinary soul bond. You have to be able to hold up your end and if nothing else, the twin flame experience teaches you that.
I want passion, bliss, and deeper love than I have ever known, my twin flame showed me that deepest desire of my heart. But he also showed me my lack of faith that such a thing existed. He showed me how completely incapable I was of sustaining it even if I had found it. So I’ve worked on me and in the end, my twin flame story was a true love story, but the person I ended up falling in love with, was me. What I wish for all twin flames is the discovery of how incredibly beautiful, powerful, and complete your own soul is. You don’t need a human completion to be everything… you already are.
At the end of the day, I trust in god and I trust me. I know god, he always finishes what he starts and in his perfect timing, there is great romantic love coming into my life. I am now ready for it and what I know for sure is that on that day this comes together, there will be such joy, that the pain of the years prior to it, will evaporate like a fine mist in the desert sun and I will see with new clarity that the journey has been worth it.
Discovering and acknowledged the truth of the twin flame journey has changed me. It’s made me focus on me and not him and that’s where my focus should have been all along. It is not my place to change him, make him realize anything, or shape his path. It is my job to stand with him, hold him in sorrow, encourage him in fear and most of all… STAY PUT whether that is in spirit as it is for me now, or physically, as it may be for some of you.
I heard it said once the simplest way to end the runner/chasing cycle is to stop running and chasing. Whichever roll you have taken up, maybe today is the day you stop. If you’d like more on my personal journey and what’s happening on the day to day, consider joining me on Patreon. For more on my journey and what has brought me to this point, check out my books Spark A Dream a simple to read chronicle of some of my best life lessons.
Namaste and blessings to you all today and always – Samantha
Author, Mystic, Disney Enthusiast, Dream Follower Extraordinaire.
Samantha aspires to bring joy and light to the world, one book, magazine, blog or live stream at a time. She’s a woman of deep faith, a twin flame, and has just completed one full year of Disney fun by going to Walt Disney World every single day from Sep23, 2016 to Sep 22, 2017 and now she writes about how taking leaps of faith and following crazy dreams can change your life.